Going through treatment for a substance abuse disorder can be difficult as you learn how to navigate life sober and deal with forming new relationships that don’t revolve around your old habits. Dating and handling relationships in recovery can be a challenge if you’re unsure how to bring up the issue of your past and your current sobriety. The team at Ember Recovery is here to help you navigate this challenging time with tips to achieve healthy relationships.
How to Know You’re Ready for Relationships in Recovery
When you are going through treatment for drug and alcohol use, it can be very demanding on you physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is why it’s important to tread lightly when beginning a relationship during recovery. It is often recommended to achieve at least one year of sobriety before starting a new relationship. This is because you become more confident the longer you maintain yur sobriety.
If you’ve reached this milestone, some signs that you are ready to date while in recovery can include:
- Developing coping mechanisms to manage triggers and cravings. Removing yourself from a situation or avoiding people who tempt you to relapse can all be effective coping mechanisms.[1]
- You have a strong support system if problems arise.
- You can clearly communicate your needs.
- You know how to talk about your sobriety openly.
It’s important to get to know the “new you” first before you can go out and start a relationship. You need to feel comfortable with your new morals and values so that you can share them with others in a relationship.
How to Handle Relationships While in Recovery
If you are ready to start a relationship while in recovery, here are several tips to guide you so that it can be as successful as possible:
Don’t Hide Your Sobriety
To be in a relationship, you can’t hide your sobriety. Talk openly about it and why it is so important to you. Anyone you are in a relationship with should respect this and help you maintain sobriety. This can include not using any substances.
Choose Healthy Partners
You have worked so hard to get healthy so you deserve to be with someone who also values being healthy. This means choosing to be with someone who is not using substances and is generally healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Be sure that whoever you are in a relationship knows what your boundaries are. Being open and honest about expectations and limits will let your partner know exactly where you stand and will help to avoid conflict. Healthy boundaries can include not drinking socially at a party and maybe declining some invitations that may present temptations that will be too difficult to handle.
Take it Slow
While the idea of being in a new relationship is exciting, take it slow. Getting wrapped up in a whirlwind romance can be difficult to manage. If things die down as quickly as they got going, the result can lead to relapse when the relationship ends. By getting to know each other and taking it slow, you can work to establish a solid relationship that supports your recovery.
Choose Appropriate Date Locations
When deciding where to meet, choose locations that will support your sobriety. Take a hike, see a movie, go to dinner, or meet at a coffee shop. Any of these dates can help you to get to know each other better without being exposed to triggers that can threaten your recovery.
Seek Support
Dating while in recovery may require some support from therapists or peer groups. Support groups can be a great resource to discuss issues or questions you may have about trying to have a healthy relationship while in recovery. Meeting with a therapist one-on-one can also give you a person to talk to about your concerns.
Don’t Let Your Recovery Take a Backseat
As much as you may want to be in a relationship, don’t let your recovery suffer because of it. Your recovery and all of the work you’ve put into getting to where you are today should be your priority. Don’t risk your recovery for a relationship. If the person you are with does not respect your journey and your sobriety, it’s time to look for another relationship. When dating while in recovery, you need to find a person who is ready to support your recovery and not do things that will jeopardize it.
Ember Recovery Provides Treatment for Substance Use Disorders
Ember Recovery provides treatment for substance use disorders for youth and young adults ages 12-24. Our programs are designed for each age group so that our patients get the targeted help they need to overcome their substance use disorder.
Our residential youth programs help teens receive the care they need in a supported environment with their peers. Their treatment program is tailored to meet their needs to achieve the best outcomes. We also have a young adult program that specifically treats young adult males ages 18-24. This program recognizes the different challenges young adults face while trying to overcome a substance use disorder.
To learn more about all of the programs Ember Recovery provides, reach out to us today so that we can help you or your loved one live the sober life they deserve.
Sources:
- https://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/tools/worksheets-more/handling-urges-drink
Andrea Dickerson is a Licensed Therapist and Certified Substance Use Counselor who has worked in behavioral health since 1997. Currently, Andrea is the Director of Behavioral Health, overseeing the Ember residential treatment programs and YSS outpatient counseling clinics throughout Central and North Central Iowa. She became a Motivational Interviewing (MI) trainer in 2006 and provides MI trainings throughout Iowa.
Andrea specializes in working with adolescents and their families and enjoys seeing the family relationships grow through therapy. Andrea is also a CARF International Surveyor, going around North America ensuring behavioral health organizations are meeting required standards.
In her free time, Andrea enjoys cheering on the Iowa Hawkeyes and Chicago Cubs, as well as being an active member of Soroptimist International of the Americas (SIA), a global organization that provides women and girls with access to the education and training they need to achieve economic empowerment. She has been a member of the SI of Des Moines club since 2012 and has been actively involved at the regional level, currently serving as Co-Governor of the Peaks to Plains Region.
Through her involvement in SIA, Andrea has been actively involved in the Dream Programs, coordinating annual Dream It, Be It: Career Support for Girls projects, which give girls the tools they need to achieve their education and career goals, empowering them to break cycles of poverty, violence, and abuse.